As I stumble to Enlightenment

Like me

Be more like me.
For 35 years I´ve tried to get people to be more like me.
Because I got annoyed when people did things different.

For example, being on time.
I make it a point to be on time as much as possible.
And get really anxious when others are not.

No more.
I have learned to like me.
And from that I have learned to see how different others are.
And I am now starting to like the differences.

So don´t be like me.

Be You.

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Breaking the code

I believe the meaning of life is to understand and experience consciously that we are all creating our own life.
Whatever we focus on, whatever we believe, whatever we say, it all works together to create the future.

I believe in abundance.
I believe in positivism.
I believe in nice.
I believe in progress and creation.

Funny thing is my life is abundant.
My life is positive.
My life is nice.
My life is always in progress and full of creation.

You may disagree.
That’s fine.
Just tell me what you’re life looks like.
And I’ll tell you what your beliefs are.

Tthe most important thing about beliefs is that we have a choice.
And we can choose every day again.
The best choice you can make sometimes, is to choose a new belief.

It can make a hell of a difference in real life too.

No more Mr. Bad Guy

My oldest son told my wife the other day that he likes her a lot more than me.
I get that.
My wife is much nicer to our kids.
Because she’s much nicer, always.

But it hurt.
It hurt really bad.

The best thing is it made me aware.

About my own behavior.
And why I get angry with my kids regularly.
And the simple answer is ‘habit’.

There is no reason ever to get angry.
It’s just what I’m used to.
What I’ve seen in my youth and all around me.
What I still see.

It’s part of who I am.
I have a temper.
Well, no more.
From now on I’m going to be Mr. Nice Guy.
Always.

So if you see me moving backwards some time, look around, there might be bad guys around that I’m avoiding.
And if you don’t see any, see if you can find a mirror.

Gelukkig

Ben jij wel gelukkig?
Vroeg iemand aan mij op Werchter.
En het eerste wat in mijn hoofd schoot was, nee.

Ondanks een geweldig schoon huis.
In een geweldige buurt.
Ondanks twee gezonde kinderen en een fantastische vrouw.
De eerste ongelooflijk braaf, de tweede zo zorgzaam en lief als ze maar komen.
Andersom ook trouwens.
Ondanks een geweldige job, dik betaald en met een sociaal-economisch doel.
Waar ik dan ook nog es op een wip ben, zo zonder file en zo.
Ondanks het feit dat ik perfect gezond ben.
Dat ik een hele hoop vrienden heb.
Waarmee ik bijna wekelijks geweldig leuke dingen doe.

En begrijp me niet verkeerd, ik ben dagelijks dankbaar voor al het bovenstaande.
Maar gelukkig?
Blijkbaar niet.
Content, dat wel.
Maar dat is in mijn ogen toch een trapje lager dan gelukkig.

Dus hier zit ik nu, op de laatste dag van mijn drie en halve week vakantie.
Ook weer iets om gelukkig of tenminste content over te zijn.
Mij af te vragen, wat is er nodig voor mij om echt gelukkig te zijn?

En er komt niks.
Of toch.
Wat regelmatiger sporten.
Waarbij ik me kan afmatten, want het gevoel daarna, daar wordt ge echt gelukkig van.
En een project.
Iets totaal onbaatzuchtig.
En dan bedoel ik niet wat geld overschrijven naar Burkina Faso via Kiva.
Iets wat persoonlijk engagement en tijd vraagt.
En waar de wereld beter van wordt.

Gelukkig weet ik hoe het leven in mekaar zit.
En dat ik binnenkort meer dan voldoende van die projecten ga zien verschijnen.

En dan is het een kwestie van keuzes maken.

Want dat heb ik ondertussen ook wel door.
Dat ik sinds ik terug in Belgie ben, op alles maar ja gezegd heb.
Als onderdeel van mijn leven terug op te bouwen hier.
En dat het nu tijd wordt om terug wat meer nee te gaan zeggen.
En niet alleen tegen bepaalde voorstellen, maar helaas ook tegen sommige mensen.
Mensen die ik al heel lang ken, maar waarvan ik nu het gevoel heb dat ze mij echt niet gelukkiger maken.
In tegendeel.

Gelukkig zijn, het is soms hard werk.
En soms is het gewoon iemand die de juiste vraag stelt.

Goal nr. 6: I am coaching 100 or more people to help them create their dream life

Before I start talking about this goal, there are a few lessons I’ve learned along the way on achieving goals that I want to share first.

Lesson 1: You can always change your mind.

Just the other day I changed a goal out of the ones I selected. I dropped a goal about having 3 number one hit singles (no really, that was one of my goals. Crazy cool huh!) and replaced it with the goal of owning a fully refurbished 1967 Ford Mustang GT.

I also changed this goal.
I took out the words “every year”.
The reason is simple.
This is my life, these are my goals.
So I set the rules.
And one of the rules is that I can always change my mind.

Make sure you play by your rules as well.
And read my blog post about changing rules during the game with others.

Which brings me to lesson nr. 2: The chase is better than the catch

It was 1989 and I was a massive fan of the Dutch band called Tröckener Kecks.
Probably the only band I’ve seen perform live more than 30 times.
Imagine combining punk music with Dutch lyrics, obviously my cup of tea.
It was the year they releases their live CD and video, called “Meer! Meer! Meer!”.
On it was one of their best songs ever, which translated to English, is called “The chase is better than the catch”.
Those lyrics resonated so well with me.
And yet, only now, 25 years later, I am getting the hang of this lesson.
Perhaps I’m a slow learner after all.

Let me give you an example.
I went to visit a company that we would like to partner with just the other day.
While driving over there I noticed an old garage that had an awesome Ford Mustang in its showroom.
In the past I would have left it to that.
Now I actually stopped on my way back, got out of the car and went in.
Knowing I can’t afford one right now.
And realising that wasn’t the purpose of my visit that day.
The purpose of that visit was not to buy that car.
The purpose of that visit was to move closer to the end goal.
The purpose was to enjoy the chase.

With that visit I have accomplished a few things.
First of all it’s a nice memory.
More importantly I now know that it was a 1965 GT, not the 1967 I’m looking for.
I also know that this one would cost me €35,000.
And especially the last accomplishment has actually brought me closer to my goal.
I now have a ball park number of what this goal will cost me.
And the more detailed you are about your goals, the easier they are to achieve.
Maybe this sounds trivial because it is such a small thing.
Don’t be fooled by this.
You’re job is to take care of the small things.
Life/God/the Universe, whatever somehow takes care of the big things.
Read Thoughts Become things if you want to understand this better.

I guess that might be lesson 3 then, be specific and detailed, take care of the small things you can accomplish.

Which brings me to the actual goal here.

Coaching is all about sharing what you know with others.
My interest in this got triggered during my previous role when our company set up a mentoring program.
I participated and was fortunate enough to work with 4 colleagues.
And that led to a life changing realisation.
I enjoy the success of others as much or more than my own.
Although this experience happened a few years ago, I can still feel the impact just writing it all down.

96 to go then, officially.
It is my hope that through this blog and this series I actually might add a few to the total number.
And since my current job is all about being in the backseat of other people’s success, I’ll be adding a few through that also.

And as an example of how life takes care of the big things, I am just appointed as a coach for a new initiative which we will start with next January.
Sure, you may call it serendipity or coincidence.
It doesn’t matter what you call it, it’s about the fact that these things help you accomplish your goals.

The end date of this goal is the end of my life, as this is one that once you’ve started you never can stop again.

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